well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
