i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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