My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
