So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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