I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
