your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
