Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
