u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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