I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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