How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
