Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
