dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
