Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
