1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
