Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
