I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
