Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
