There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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