bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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