I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
