Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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