So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
