this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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