I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
