Yo dont text me then not text me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
