I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
