just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
