I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
