I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
