trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
