I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
