my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
