Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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