she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
