My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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