Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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