ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
