3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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