Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
