i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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