If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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