9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
