I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
