this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
