Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
