that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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