i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
