I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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