Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
