Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
