We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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