He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
