I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
