Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
