if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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