Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
