so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
