No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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